That’s a pretty simple yet powerful question. Who cares what other people think of you? Do other people care what others think of you? Nope, not really (unless you are a tv star or something, then your manager does I guess). Does your family care what others think of you? Maybe. Do YOU care what others think of you? Hell yes, you do. Too often. Too much. Too obsessively.
Who am I?
I think we are people pleasers. We want to be accepted, we want others to like us and to value us and to think of us in a good way. We want to be part of a group and not stand alone. This in itself is for me only the minor problem. The big issue behind all this is that in order to please other….we often change ourselves to a version we think is acceptable or likable or will be expected anyways by the others. The even bigger issue is that there are many, many others. Hence we create ourselves many, many different identities. Which leaves me thinking…where am I? WHO am I? Think about it for a minute.
I was like this a lot. I learned from my childhood that you can only be accepted if people like you. And generally, people like you if you are predictable if they can put you into a drawer if you are no threat to them. It didn’t take that much time for me to learn this but it takes an eternity to UNLEARN. I started not so long ago to notice that I behave differently with different people. In some ways, this is normal because you don’t behave the same with your boss than with your partner right? Or should it simply not matter at all?
The thing is, I put on different identities because I’m afraid people will say no to me. Reject me. The primal fear. The ultimate one, so deeply rooted. Now what? I am starting to find the way back to my inner self. I am trying to unlearn what I have learned. I am trying to accept that not everyone will like it and that’s ok.
I don’t want to be a people pleaser anymore. I want to be me.